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Back at it again…
Not sure exactly what it is, but I think it is back to life? Back to my life? Not gonna lie I was lost for awhile. Lost in my own mind, my own misery and hanging on to despair. So, yeah this feels like I am back at the good “it” in my life, which is living it.
Sometimes we can forget to live our lives and get lost maintaining them. I was there, so searching for connection and meaning that I was actually becoming less and less connected and had far less meaning to the perpetual sadness I was comfortable in. Now I am comfortable in my skin again, now I am good again. Back at it again….
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I intended to rant and rave and and and….
So when I sat down to start my “blog” I was looking for an outlet for all the stuff in my head. The interesting, mundane, sad, funny and frankly brilliant musings of a middle aged dude in VT.
While I have clearly been able to share what it is to be me, it was a dark period that followed and thus lots of downer feelings poetry, whining/ranting over lost love and codependence. These are all clear reflections of who I am and the life I lead so not far off the genre of “blog” but certainly taken on a different mood if not tone. And while I am sad about aspects of life, and scarred by past love and deeper scarred by past demons, I am whole and alive and generally not such a doom and gloom personality.
So today I write only to share there has been a shift in my perception of my current doom and I forecast some warmer and brighter days, and happy joyful little musings….or some shit like that. Cheers.
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Having Happy
codependency, connection, dadpoet, growing, heal, healing, heartbreak, love, pain, poem, poetry, safe, secure, writing -
Not enough
I loved you and
You loved me not enough
Leaving me broken.
TLW
connection, dad, dadpoet, dark, discovery, father, growing, heal, lose, love, male feelings, Ramblings, singleparent, therapy, vent poetry, Vermont, VTAF -
New ink
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Meeting at meetings
I can’t go. I am working so hard to move on, move up, or just move at all. I am not stuck but at the same time am paralyzed by fear and anxiety. I am not emotionally stuck, but physically. I can’t imagine sharing the same space as her again…the feelings the energy, the pain , loss, anger, hunger, yearning. All coming to the surface in a moment where you need to show the dignity you were never given, the ending and respect. As much as you have spent months wanting to force that, do you have the strength to hold it back? In the moment? Would you swallow your feelings and let them continue to eat away at the very soul and person you want to share, she is killing that version of you and breeding this version, feeding it. In that moment you would need to breathe without hearing her calming voice telling you too. You need to be able to manage your emotions, and to do that you must understand your emotions and to do that you have to be real, and you have to be willing to do it. You are not prepared; despite all you imagine, you are not because until you can see a real world scenario where seeing and feeling her again doesn’t destroy you, you are not ready.
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Winter 2022
brothers, children, codependency, connection, dad, dad jokes, dadpoet, dark, diet, discovery, father, funny, growing, haiku, heal, healing, heartbreak, humor, kids, learning, lose, love, male feelings, mauy thai, music, pain, playlists, playllists, poem, poetry, published, Ramblings, safe, secure, self, single dad, singledad, singleparent, son, therapy, vent poetry, Vermont, Vermonter, VTAF -
Connections
It’s seem so strong
so real, so lasting
Until they are broken.
The strength of the connection,
is the strength of the loss.
Yet we continue to search
for that everlasting connection.
Knowing it can create an
everlasting loss once we find it.
Fall 2022 -
Been Down That Road Before
Spillwords.com presents: Been Down That Road Before, a poem by Timothy Wallstrom, trying to survive and thrive in the wilds of Northern VT.
Source: Been Down That Road Before
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Pain Dance
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Rather Random Ramblings: Northern VT 