I am beyond grateful for the continued support of Spillwords Press in promoting my new work and the wonderful work of so many talented artists.
Tag: singledad
-
https://spillwords.com/night-by-timothy-wallstrom/ -
Or it is an moment in time, but things feel like they are shifting and it scares me. I have not written in some time and have been afraid to face the emotions of change, the real healing and not naming and blaming, growing past the the past through the guilt, regret, pain and mis-placed emotions. I fear not being able to capture those thoughts and feelings and getting lost again on what feels like a path. Yesterday today and tomorrow allow for times of change milestones and markers I will embrace and not project. I came to find another piece of mine is being published and it reminds me that I have talent beyond my broken heart…I have reason to write and create beyond pain and sorrow, that passion and light can inspire and create.
-
So when I sat down to start my “blog” I was looking for an outlet for all the stuff in my head. The interesting, mundane, sad, funny and frankly brilliant musings of a middle aged dude in VT.
While I have clearly been able to share what it is to be me, it was a dark period that followed and thus lots of downer feelings poetry, whining/ranting over lost love and codependence. These are all clear reflections of who I am and the life I lead so not far off the genre of “blog” but certainly taken on a different mood if not tone. And while I am sad about aspects of life, and scarred by past love and deeper scarred by past demons, I am whole and alive and generally not such a doom and gloom personality.
So today I write only to share there has been a shift in my perception of my current doom and I forecast some warmer and brighter days, and happy joyful little musings….or some shit like that. Cheers.
-
I can’t go. I am working so hard to move on, move up, or just move at all. I am not stuck but at the same time am paralyzed by fear and anxiety. I am not emotionally stuck, but physically. I can’t imagine sharing the same space as her again…the feelings the energy, the pain , loss, anger, hunger, yearning. All coming to the surface in a moment where you need to show the dignity you were never given, the ending and respect. As much as you have spent months wanting to force that, do you have the strength to hold it back? In the moment? Would you swallow your feelings and let them continue to eat away at the very soul and person you want to share, she is killing that version of you and breeding this version, feeding it. In that moment you would need to breathe without hearing her calming voice telling you too. You need to be able to manage your emotions, and to do that you must understand your emotions and to do that you have to be real, and you have to be willing to do it. You are not prepared; despite all you imagine, you are not because until you can see a real world scenario where seeing and feeling her again doesn’t destroy you, you are not ready.
-
It’s seem so strong
so real, so lasting
Until they are broken.
The strength of the connection,
is the strength of the loss.
Yet we continue to search
for that everlasting connection.
Knowing it can create an
everlasting loss once we find it.
Fall 2022
Rather Random Ramblings: Northern VT 